Episode 373 - The Road from Shame to Forgiveness with Cheryl Wilder
Cheryl Wilder joins the Spiritual Forum to share her decades-long reckoning after a drunk driving crash at age 20 that left her friend permanently brain-injured. She describes how shame (“I am wrong”) shaped her life and how her refusal to run from accountability ultimately led her on a healing journey that included mindfulness, Taoist teachings, journaling and poetry writing – all of which led her toward moral repair and self-forgiveness. Near the end, Cheryl shares her current involvement in civic bridge-building and introduces the concept of moral injury -- the psychological, emotional, and spiritual distress that occurs when a person commits, witnesses, or fails to prevent acts that violate their core moral beliefs. Cheryl’s story is riveting and whether we know it or not, her process of healing her moral injury applies to all of us..
Bio - Cheryl Wilder’s decades-long reckoning with the decision to drive drunk, which left her friend and passenger severely and permanently injured, taught her that self-forgiveness must lead to genuine moral repair. As a poet, Cheryl uses the personal lyric to “translate” her reckoning into language, an active taking-hold of her emotional life. Her collection, Anything That Happens (Press 53), is an acute examination of shame in the aftermath of the crash. Its companion collection, Singing Riptide (Press 53), supported by the North Caroling Arts Council, is her journey from all-consuming shame to self-realization and belonging. She received residency at SAFTA for her nonfiction work-in-progress about the experience. Leading with her lessons from shame to self-forgiveness, whether through her work as an author, coach, and speaker, or her role as a community leader, Cheryl is committed to cultivating healthy community interconnectedness by helping individuals nurture their awareness, introspection, and accountability. Trained by The Harwood Institute for Public Innovation, Cheryl is an arts and culture leader in the community-led initiative For Alamance, inspiring her to “translate” collective crises into language that explores moral injury and the need for mass forgiveness.
Cheryl’s website: https://bornwilder.com/cheryl-wilder/
Cheryl’s poem that she shares near the end of this episode:
for ‧ give /fərˈɡiv/
verb. Stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an
offense, flaw, or mistake: As in, I am in the process of
surrender—hands up, I have laid down my weapon; hands on
the ground in prostration; I yield to shame that is synonymous
with my name; set aside an ego full of answers; bring forth,
make room for, become a well of fresh water filling every
bucket that comes to collect; as the sum of my actions, and in
the presence of non-action, I walk hand-in-hand with the past
that cannot be changed, turn to myself and say, “Let me be in
the presence of you; let me be the source of acceptance that
says, I forgive you.”
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